Release:

To allow or enable escape from confinement; set free.  Allow something to move, act, or flow freely.

When I was a little girl, I would go hiking with the Girl Scouts.  I remember standing on the side of a mountain, looking down, looking out, and wondering what it would feel like to just fall forward.  Mind you, this wasn’t suicidal!  I just wanted the feeling of freedom, of flying.  Of course, even as a child, I knew that wouldn’t end well.

As an adult, I was able to finally experience that feeling of freedom and flying when I went tandem skydiving.  That feeling of having my toes at the edge of the open door, my hands hooked into my shoulder straps and falling forward was the realization of a life long curiosity.  The combination of hurtling through the sky at 120 miles per hour, exhilaration at doing something unusual, feeling the adrenaline rush, and living to tell the tale was more than checking something off the bucket list, it was a growth experience.

I had to let go of fear.. jumping out of a perfectly good airplane is not normal.

I had to let go of outcomes..  It did have the potential to end poorly.

I had to let go of opinions.. phrases like  “you’re crazy” and “don’t do this” could have stopped me from jumping.

To be clear, this was a calculated risk and not completely insane.  I had a very experienced skydiver man strapped to my back. I would not have jumped without him.  That would have been insane.

So for 2016, my word is release.

Release from my expectations, both mine and others.

Release from what I hold so tightly… my time, my desires, my judgments.

Why release? 

When I open my hands, my head, my heart and release what I want, I am ready to receive.

When I release my expectations, I shake free my desires and open up to unlimited possibilities.

When I release my time, I see each day as a gift, grace filled minutes to glorify God.

When I release my desires, I can shift my focus from mine to God’s

Release can sound like giving up, lowering expectations to the point of not caring. For me, release takes the form of holy indifference.  Holy indifference is the inner freedom that allows one to be open to God’s call, unattached to specific outcomes and open to as-yet-unimagined possibilities.”  Courtny Davis Olds.  Marina McCoy shares that “Holy indifference is not about giving up or stoically renouncing God’s good gifts, but rather about making room to be receptive to the new gifts that God constantly wishes to offer”.

I am looking forward to my year of release, of holy indifference.  I invite you to walk alongside me, keep me accountable, and try some releasing of your own. Let’s be surprised by God together!

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him,” 1 Corinthians 2:9

I’m privileged.

I just recently learned this.

It wasn’t pretty.

It wasn’t sugar coated.

In fact, it hurt.

It’s not an easy thing to hear, especially in big, long doses.

But it’s still true.

I grew in the suburbs outside of Washington, DC.

In the wonderful, turbulent 60’s

In a safe, white, middle class neighborhood.

In a safe, white Presbyterian church

Loving parents, siblings, cat, dog, everything but the white picket fence.

I learned love.

I learned peaceful resolution is better than war.

I learned to embrace differences.

I learned to reach out and serve.

I did not learn that I had more inherent opportunity by virtue of being white.

I didn’t learn that it was easier for me to love because I had no oppressor.

I didn’t learn that some have to fight for their existence.

I didn’t learn that differences separate.

I didn’t learn to respect the dignity of those I served.

I could have picked up the clues.

But I am clueless.

Now, I hurt.

My thoughts are all jumbled up.

I grieve for those I have unintentionally hurt by not understanding.

I want to have conversations, but am afraid to speak.

I want to listen, but am afraid of confrontation.

I am a coward.

Gracious God, grant us all

Boldness to engage in peaceful conversation

Wisdom to listen and to hear to each other

Humility to admit we do not know

Grace to forgive and be forgiven

Courage to stay in the journey until all people are free.